Why I won't say that the church is dying

"This is a dying Church".... I hate that phrase. I do not like what it implies and I don't like that leaders within our Church are using it. I know that there will be people who say that I am naive, that I don't understand what is really going on within our Church, but let me start off by saying that I am fully aware of the struggles our Church is going through. I see it in the challenges that my parents and their colleagues face every day, I see it in the annual reports I get from now three congregations. I see it in my friends who are in seminary or freshly out. I see it on the faces of my pastors and on the faces of those on my candidacy committee. I see it, I read the articles, I have the conversations, and I am well aware of what we, as a Church, are facing... and yet with all of this staring right at me I still will never, ever say that my Church is a dying one.

Today my congregation confirmed 11 young teenagers, all in middle school or early high school, as we all are when we go through confirmation. Instead of a sermon the newly confirmed were asked to stand in front of the congregation, one by one, and tell us what faith means to them. While I sat listening to these surprisingly articulate young kids I noticed a pattern. Almost half of these kids talked about community, how the church as a living body inspired their faith and kept it strong. So I started thinking, how can we claim to be a part of a church that is dying when there is such renewing spirit and life among us?

The Christian church won't die, it has been alive for over 2000 years. But, the Church is changing... that is the difference, the word "dying" implies that it will no longer be around, that the people who believe together and pray together will disband and disappear into the wind, but to change is part of living. Now, is the church as an institution and organization struggling? Yes, it is, it's struggling a lot; attendance is down, roofs are leaking, offerings are at an all time low, and pastors are having to work day jobs just to keep the lights on, these are all grim realities. But you know what? These are realities that countless organizations are currently facing, even the federally backed education system is struggling! Teachers salaries and benefits are being cut, schools are closing, music, art, and sports programs are being sacrificed so that history, math, and science can continue... the entire world is struggling. But here's where the church is in trouble. No one makes giving to the church a priority anymore. The ruthlessly sought after millennials that everyone keeps talking about are poor! We need church but we want it for free. We also have not educated these new generations about the importance of giving to the church. I will admit that even as the daughter of two pastors I had no clue that the offering gathered every Sunday had anything to do with my parents' paycheck, or fixing the crack in the side of building... I just kind of thought it was a bonus, money that went towards the soup kitchens and bought crafts for Sunday school (which it also does, if there is any left over). The generation that was taught that 10% of your earnings goes to your church is dying, literally. And the new young families taking their place in the pews were not taught the same lessons. So, that is where we need to step up as a church. Stop saying that our church is dying because the non-denominational church down the street is packing the folding chairs, stop saying that pastors won't have jobs anymore, stop freaking out and start stepping up. We can't hide our churchs' problems anymore. We have to get real with our congregants and tell them that if they want to keep walls and a roof around their community and if they want their pastor to be able to care for them the way they'd like then we have to step up. And the best part is you don't have to be a millionaire to do it! $2 a week is plenty, whatever you can give, you should.

So, enough on the finances rant and back to this dying church thing...

It is my belief that we have lost sight of the difference between dying and changing. We, as congregations, have to change the way we reach out to new members, we have to change the way we communicate with people. There are some scary statistics out there about how church attendance is down, there are more "non-believers" than ever before (which I don't think is true I think we've just started counting), there are more Sunday morning options, etc.... But there are also other great statistics about how 67% of millennials prefer a traditional church service to a contemporary one, that my church welcomed 11... ELEVEN young people into our community today, that my mom's church is gaining new members faster than they can handle. People want community, it is an inner desire that drives all of us and church is the perfect place to find that community. Besides, that's how it all started! Jesus didn't wait for people to come to him and hope and pray that they threw him a few coins so that he could fix the organ... he went out to them, his followers were sent out to be fishers of men, and even after the ascension his followers continued and they met where and when they could. It was beautiful and pure and based on love, community and faith. That church that started 2000 years ago still exists today, it is within all of us, we are little individual churches walking around this world and hoping to find someone that we can relate to, yearning to spread the word. So, if our church can morph and change and "keep up" for 2000 years then we can keep that alive, we can change, we can shape ourselves to the desires of the people and people will also see the beauty in our tradition and sanctuaries.

So rise up church! Rise up and meet this challenge! This church is not dead, nor will it ever be, it's just different and different is not bad, it just takes time, love, and a little understanding.

Lessons learned from two years of teaching

To be honest, I never really planned on being a teacher. I had thought to myself that towards the end of my athletic training career I would find some high school, be the ATC and teach a couple classes and enjoy a more stable schedule than college athletic training could offer. Life seemed to have other plans because after 8 months of miserably working as a secretary at an ortho clinic the opportunity to teach and start a sports med program at a high school opened up and I took it. I was drawn in by the promises of good resources, great coworkers, fun and energetic kids, the chance to change lives, the chance to make a community better, and the ability to build something. Some of those things came true and some of them did not. After two years I know that I have nothing on those who are veterans of the teaching profession, but I also feel a little bit like a war torn vet. In fact I’m almost tempted to write a book made up completely of quotes I heard from students, parents, and other teachers, some of these situations were funny, some were tragic, and some were infuriating. But, despite the craziness that has been these last two years in education I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned…

1.       Saying “no” is pretty awesome.

My entire life I have been a “yes” person, some may say a doormat. No matter what the request or favor or demand I said yes. Unfortunately there were times when I missed the mark and didn’t actually do the things I said yes to, which would typically not make me look too good. But, as a teacher and head athletic trainer I learned very quickly the beauty of saying “no”. “Can you head up this committee?” – “No”. “Can you cover this extra basketball game with zero notice?” – “No”. “Can I turn homework from 3 months ago in now?” – “Nope”. No, is wonderfully clear cut. There is no black and white when you say no, it’s just no. My first year of teaching I said “yes” a lot… especially when it came to my students. I stopped that nonsense in my second year and I started to use the word “No” a lot. And you know what I noticed? My students suddenly became better behaved, more organized, and they turned work in on time! All because they knew that if they asked to get away with poor behavior they would hear a solid “no”. And the best part is by saying no to more things I was able to say yes to myself.

                We tend to be a society that loves to be busy; if you aren’t busy you’re doing something wrong. If you don’t agree to every commitment or task you are not a team player, if you can barely get through your day because you have so much to do for other people you are the best! Well, we seem to be the only country that feels that way and we are also number 1 in obesity, stress, alcohol abuse, and depression… wonder why?! Now, I’m still not great in saying “no”… in fact, I enjoy being busy; not for the pride of it but because I like to feel productive. But, over these last two years I have realized that sometimes doing nothing is the most productive you can be and you have to say no to get that time.

                So… say “no” my friends! Start saying yes to your needs and what you want to accomplish.

 

2.       Cell phones are the devil

As amazing as our smart phones are I’m pretty sure they are slowly killing us. Especially the high school aged kids who have literally grown up with them. Those of us in our late 20s at least remember a time when we didn’t have the internet in our pocket and that we had to carry quarters around so we could call our parents from a pay phone… or even 1-800-collect! Kids these days don’t understand the struggle…. And it is turning them into horrible people. For example: a student of mine was on her phone during a lecture and after many warnings I finally asked her to give me her phone to hold onto for the remainder of class, she started to cry… like seriously cry…. You would have thought I just told her that her parents had died in a car crash. I still kept her phone for the rest of class, despite the meltdown. And you know what? She survived! AND not a single person sent her a message in the 20 minutes I had her phone so she didn’t miss anything. This generation coming up (and even certain people in mine) have no clue how to communicate! We have text messaging for the awkward conversations, emojis for facial expressions, snapchat for visual messaging, and email for the conversations that we’d really rather not have. And then, of course, social media… I mean who could live without it?! Honestly, we all could… we would really be just fine. These lack of communication skills have led to a serious decline in respect, purely because they just don’t know how to talk to people! And the spelling! Oh lord, the spelling… without autocorrect half my students can’t spell their names. It’s really a shame.

                I try to leave my phone in other rooms or not check Facebook (which by the way is now an “old person” thing, according to my students) obsessively and it can be tough! But the difference between me at 28 and my student at 15 is I will not have a massive meltdown if you take my phone away because I am capable of human communication.

3.       Lying is for losers

I am lied to on a daily basis… The excuses that I hear from students about where their homework is, why they were late to class, or even that I am their favorite teachers… lies, LIES I TELL YOU! I will say, kids these days are exceptional liars, I mean they know how to work a lie, they have backup lies, and stories and sometimes they even get other people in on it. And they look out for each other, other kids will chime in and defend the other student, whether they like them or not, purely to show a united front against authority. Honestly, it’s almost impressive. Just because I am telling you that my students are incredible liars doesn’t mean that I don’t trust them, all I’m saying is I’ve learned to tell the difference between sincerity and straight up, bold face, lying. My future children are screwed, and they have by current students to thank for it. And as annoying as it was to constantly feel like I was being lied to I kind of appreciate the fact that my students tried to get away with so much, it made me question things more, and to hold people more accountable. So thanks kids!

4.      

     Sounds cliché, but never judge a book by its cover

My two years as a teacher didn’t completely teach me this lesson but it certainly drove it home: There is no way to tell what someone is going through by the way they look, act, or talk on a daily basis. I don’t think I could even count the amount of times I learned something about a student and was completely blown away because it was not at all what I pictured for them. For example: There was a student at school that I never taught but I knew him well. He was the model student, incredibly polite, very smart, driven, organized, and well-liked by his classmates and teachers, he even won a national championship in public speaking! I had this picture in my head of what his family must be like and I found out that I was completely wrong. He had siblings that came through school before him who were the total opposite of him. And parents that were completely uninterested in his academic achievements. I couldn’t believe that this kid was able to be who he was with so few positive examples to follow. From that point on I tried my best not to make assumptions about my students’ families or their home life. Another example was when I thought that one of my students was being neglected. He wore the exact same outfit every day, he kinda smelled a little and was always asking me for part of my lunch; all things that we are told are signs of neglect and abuse. So when his parents asked for a conference with all of his teachers I was eager to see who they were and decide whether or not I needed to take action. Well, when I met the parents they were the nicest and most caring people! Myself and the other teachers hinted at the whole he wears the same thing every day thing… apparently he was just going through a phase and his mother begged him every morning to please wear something different but he didn’t want to. And as far as the asking for food thing, turned out it was a growth spurt and his parents were having to buy loads of food because he was an eating machine! (Sidenote: all of the parents’ explanations were verified by the student and he thought it was all hilarious… a good sign that he was, in fact, in a loving home and was just a dirty and growing teenage boy).

                It can be so easy to judge people. We are pretty much programmed to do so. But, it doesn’t mean that we can’t ask more questions and learn more about other people. I think we would all surprise each other if we gave each other a chance. A chance to share and explain ourselves, our lives, and our struggles. Let someone walk in your shoes and walk in theirs… if we start to do that I think we could have a much deeper understanding of our neighbors and friends and hopefully we won’t be so quick to judge.

5.    

        Never judge a teacher by the syllabus

When I finished my masters in 2011 I was convinced that I would never, ever go back to school as a student. I hated it and had convinced myself that I wasn’t good at it. After a year in South Africa and a year working for a clinic I started to get the urge to learn again, but at a deeper level than just personal curiosity. It took me a few years to figure out what exactly I wanted to do but I learned a lot about how becoming a teacher had changed me as a student. I took a couple classes a GSU in between my first and second year of teaching and the mentality I had about learning had completely changed. I paid closer attention, I respected my professors and their choices more, I observed their teaching style and could respect it. I even got pissed listening to other students criticize a test question or choice the professor made when the reasoning behind it was perfectly clear to me!

                There have been many times when I’ve been questioned by students and criticized by parents when they have no idea the 100s of choices I make every day and why I make them. So from now on I will be very very slow to criticize a teacher or professor and will certainly take the proper course when it comes to asking them for explanation.

6

.       It is my belief that everyone should teach in a public school for at least one year

Teaching a group of teenagers from backgrounds both similar and completely different from you is life changing. Balancing the responsibilities you have to your (100s of) students, after school activities, administration, fellow teachers, and yourself (listed last for a reason) teaches you organizational skills and stress management that few other things can. Teaching has made me a better professional, will hopefully make me a better student, and has shaped me in ways I don’t think any other job could have.

                While I am happy to be moving on from teaching I’d never say that I regret my two years of teaching. I don’t think that I would have discovered my true calling any other way. I will treasure the connections I have made with my students and fellow teachers, but I won’t miss the politics and frustration… but in the long run all of the above have taught me a lot.