Sunday, April 8, 2012

~ A Crossroads ~

Lately I have found myself at a crossroads; a crossroads of excitement and sadness. Excitement at the idea of my return home to the once familiar and to family and friends that I have missed so much these last 7 ½ months. Along with this excitement is the sadness of leaving this place that has become a home. Leaving people that have become friends and family, and knowing that the chances are slim to none that I will ever see them or this place again.

You might think that I am jumping the gun, being excited about going home… “you still have 3 months Elise” is something you may be thinking, and though 3 months can seem like a long time when the last 7 ½ months have gone by in a flash 3 months doesn’t seem like much at all. Time is a funny thing when living the YAGM life. I can’t remember another time in my life when I paid such close attention to the passage of time (except for maybe those last weeks before Christmas as a kid). But, ever since August 26th, 2011 when I first stepped foot on the South African ground it has felt like I’ve been on a timer. And not in a bad, distracting me from “the moment” way, just in a way that makes you very aware of the passage of weeks and months. In fact, the 26th of every month has become an important anniversary for me as the anniversary of my first day here in South Africa. This very noticeable passage of time is what has caused this mix of emotions lately, the countdown has started to have interesting effects. Like I said on the one hand I am very excited to see my family and friends that I have missed so much during my time here. But, on the other hand with every “oh my another week has passed” moment I feel a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving South Africa. One small reason is the idea of leaving my work and projects makes me put unintentional pressure on myself “to do” and “get things done” before I leave. But then one of the kids at the crèche grabs my hand, Samke teaches me another Zulu word, or another CP kiddie makes progress during a therapy session and I realize the real reason for the sadness is leaving the people that I’m surrounded by. There are other things also… watching the sunset over the hills on my afternoon run, the always entertaining kombi rides through Edendale, or the sound of my host brother yelling “food is ready!” from the house at dinner time…. All things I will miss so much come July 13th

Soon, however, my worlds will collide… my Mom will be here to share in some of these things! It will be such a great experience having her here, but I think more than anything it will give me the even more valuable resource of someone who saw my life here in South Africa at home in the States. That way when I’m really missing that sunset or my host brother I’ll be able to talk to Mom about it, knowing that she saw and experienced it also. I can’t wait to show my Mom all the amazing things I have seen and introduce her to the amazing people that mean so much to me.

So, for the next 3 months I will be reminding myself to remain excited about the return home but I will not allow myself to slip out of the moment and to ignore the place I am in now, because once those 3 months are up the shoe is on the other foot South Africa will become the home that I miss…