Sometimes I wonder who has it worse, the person leaving, or the people they leave behind... I've thought about this a lot lately from the view of the person leaving and I decided that theres no winner or loser in this battle. Being the person leaving I can only offer up my side of the story. It's funny, when you say so many goodbyes in a short amount of time you almost become numb to it. Sure, some hurt more than others but overall they're all the same, a hug, a kiss, the I love yous, I'll miss yous, and the you better write mes... Every person that you say goodbye to is different though, as are your reasons for missing them. Every person I have said goodbye to I am going to miss more than they know. The best part of a goodbye however is the returning hello. Even though I am very excited for my year ahead I can't help but day dream about when I'll see everyone again, where I'll have to go to see them, will I surprise them, will I seem different to them, will they remember the close bond we had before I left. All these things run through my mind during every goodbye and I can't wait for the hellos. I guess I feel so many emotions right now that I can't get a single one to come across. I'm numb, numb to excitement, sadness, or anything else... and not numb in a bad way its just that I'm tapped out. I've known for almost 6months now that this trip was coming, so I have been bracing myself, gotten out all my tears behind closed doors, and said a lot of my goodbyes slowly. I also know that I chose this trip, I decided to leave, so really it would be contradictory for me to be so sad about leaving. Of course I am sad that I'm missing so much, so many moments, phone calls, holidays, smiles, hugs, conversations, graduations, weddings, birthdays, just to name a few. But I also realize what I'll be gaining from this trip, a new culture, a new family (in addition to my existing one of course), a new country, a chance to fullfill a life goal, and new memories. I also realize that though every moment is precious... a year in the grand scheme of things isn't much... its one peice of the puzzle, one peice that will mean so much.
So I guess that these goodbyes aren't really goodbyes at all they're just see you laters... cause I fully plan on coming back and picking up where I left off, most likely with a much different view on things and some fun stories to tell. So even those these "goodbyes" are awful and do make me sad they make me even more excited for that journey back home and all the smiles I'll get when I see everyone again.
But, just so we're clear.... if you're reading this.... I will miss you, I love you, I will write.... and I'll see you soon :)
Aww Elise!! I know somewhat how you feel, and completely agree. I would cry and cry and cry and then all of a sudden I'm actually saying goodbye and no tears just numb. You're gonna have so0o0o0o many stories and new experiences. I'm so excited for you! :) Like you said, no good-bye. Instead a see you later from me and Maxy boy :)
ReplyDeleteIt feels like you've already been gone a really long time. Mom and I are so proud of what you're doing and thank all of our wonderful friends and family for supporting your time with Young Adults in Global Mission and in South Africa. We're excited for you!
ReplyDeleteLove, Dad